I’ve been thinking about this quote all day in reference to the wider context in which it’s embedded. It punctuates a vision Roland receives from Randall Flagg, the “universe in a blade of grass,” beginning with a synthesis of the Genesis creation myth and the Jurassic period, then expanding outward across powers of ten, until it compresses back into quantum chaos and emerging as a fleeting glimpse of a leaf. In this vision, Roland sits on the precipice of ego-annihilation. He is given the choice to renounce his quest for the Tower and rest in the comfort of what he Knows, or to continue toward this Idea that threatens his individual existence. Somehow, I think he chooses the middle way, preserving himself while also moving forward with an awareness that the self/other boundary is fuzzy instead of finite.

In my 20s, I remember being moved by Roland’s inner will, his capacity to maintain his sense of self in the face of overwhelming temptation. Reading again, with the experience of ten years worth of meditation behind me, I’m unsure if this “return to himself” was the wise move. My only caveat to that doubt is that Flagg, Kings agent of “the Outer Dark” (from another book), presents a false proposition.

Equally, I’m struck by the depth of King’s themes and their correlation to both Christianity and Buddhism without intentionally making the connection. I think this is his broad appeal, his worlds are not tightly woven and allow the readers’ minds to fill in the gaps.